Ni Hao Y'all

Home Country Leave

2010-02-04T10:51:00.000-08:00

When Expatriate Couples Must Live Apart

So, it's like this: I flew back to Shanghai after the holidays. I was in Shanghai for two whole days when I was forced to return home to deal with an emergency situation with a family member. Life's realities require my presence and energies stateside, there's no way around it.

My husband will continue to work in Shanghai for he's very happy with his job, and quite frankly, more than ever we NEED his salary.

Technologies are such a blessing. My husband and I Skype, IM, and SMS to stay in touch. We also have shared common interests that keep us 'on the same page'.

Many expatriates get a 'rush' from the challenge of living through vastly divergent cultural experiences. The one constant in an expat's life is the un-constant and the sheer joy of conquering challenges, and it's these traits that may be our saving grace through this time in our lives. We'll get through this. We're not happy campers living apart, but it is what it is.

Trailing Taitai's Take

2009-11-12T00:20:00.000-08:00

What I’ve learned about Shanghai so far…

Today is my last day in China for the remainder of 2009. While we arrived in Shanghai in March of this year, my experiences and time here have been limited due to family obligations that called me back to the states for a better part of the year. The following are my opinions about life in Shanghai based on my limited time and experiences as a trailing wife (taitai in Chinese).

HOUSING
Just like any other major city, housing costs run the gamut in price and amenities. Western living = many amenities = much $$$. There’s no getting around if you insist on a washer/dryer and an oven (and dare to dream of a dishwasher) the housing will come at a cost whether it’s an apartment, a villa, or a house. And the closer you live to the metro, shopping, and restaurants the more the rent as well. On a good note - many rentals come at least partially furnished, and furnishing styles and needs are negotiable. So are ADSL (Internet) service, cable, gym memberships, Ayi service (maid service), utilities, etc. KEY: Everything is negotiable in Shanghai.

FOOD – Grocery Stores/Dining Out
Western = $$$$ Food is our biggest expense.
Dining…We’re not huge fans of local cuisine; truth is I don’t care for it in the least (I’ll not apologize for not taking a liking to duck tongue, duck feet, eel, fish heads, chicken with bones, donkey, and cooked shrimp with all the body parts)! As for the western eateries - dining out is expensive, and the service and food are spotty. We've yet to experience a 'memorable' meal. Grocery shopping…While almost all food sources can be had, western items come at extortionate prices; boxed cereals $10+, canned soups $7, flour $8, small vanilla extract $13, coffee $17lb, etc. NOW – I’ve found Chinese flour that puts White Lily brand (popular in states) to shame and it’s only $2 a large bag. Also, the fresh vegetables and fruits are plentiful and of good quality. AND – there’s this incredible English-spoken food delivery service called Sherpas. For about a buck-fifty food from any 200 participating restaurants is delivered to our door.

TRANSPORTATION
One of the BEST aspects of Shanghai is transportation despite the millions of asinine manic drivers. I say this in part because two weeks ago my husband hired a driver who speaks, reads and writes English – so our personal transportation issues have changed dramatically!! We’re still amazed at how “Johnny” came to be – but we are extremely grateful. But, aside from Johnny, Shanghai has a CHEAP and plentiful taxi system, great bus system, and a clean and modern subway system. There’s also the maglev that travels from the airport to the center of town at over 300mph! Yes, the drivers are absolutely horrific here – worse than Rome, Mexico City, Barcelona – worse than any place we’ve witnessed. But, I have to give a thumbs up on transportation – I think the city is doing a very decent job in transporting 22 million folks about town daily. As in any major city, there are many folks biking and walking as well. We walk much more here than in our little hometown in the states, and we’re extremely cautious when crossing the streets. Pedestrians DO NOT have the right-of-way in Shanghai.

ENTERTAINMENT
There’s plenty to do and see and Shanghai; there’s the tourist sites, parks, movie theatres, aquarium, city tours, karaoke (KTV), foot massages, sports bars, sports teams, opera, symphony, museums, concerts…but mostly we just buy black market movies for 5rmb each from Annie and Joey down the street. We also stream our favorite shows from the major USA networks. I’ve also taken a calligraphy class, and husband plays softball for a Taiwanese team with the Shanghai Softball League. Shanghai has plenty to offer everyone!

SHOPPING
Two words: Timely and Exhausting
I wrote a little about shopping in my last entry. Shopping is truly a sport, a past-time, here. I am NOT a shopper. It wears me out to shop here. When we must purchase something the first phrase out of my mouth is “We live here, not tourist” and we immediately shave 5 minutes and at least 100 yuan off the negotiation. Thankfully, my husband totally gets off on the sport of it all, so he gladly does the interacting. By the way - you don't have to know Mandarin to shop here - everyone speaks calculator! Good buys we’ve found so far: Pearls, china (dinnerware), prescription eyewear, art, custom framing, some silk items. We’re looking forward to finding a good tailor to have some clothes made, supposedly some good ones are out there. Many more items can be had cheaply here – but they’re cheaply made. My husband just purchased a “north face” jacket at Xinyang Market for $30US – he bought it because it was a good buy for a jacket, not for the branding.

COMMUNITY SUPPORT
A+ expat community support whether you’re American, British, Canadian, Japanese, Italian, Spanish, French, Korean,etc. There are many social clubs, charities, publications, websites all dedicated to expats of every nationality in Shanghai. The government support of the expat community is commendable as well.

MEDICAL CARE
We don’t have any first-hand knowledge of the hospitals dedicated to westerners, but they all have a decent reputation. There is a pharmacy only a block from our apartment that carries many western prescription medicines. There are many western educated, trained and licensed dentists and doctors practicing in Shanghai.

TECHNOLOGY
We heard all sorts of nightmares about slow Internet connections, site blocking, etc. That has not been our experience. We have fast ADSL with wireless router, and my husband and I both subscribe to a personal VPN service. No websites are blocked, skype, media streaming, banking, and all other Internet functions work as fast and as well as in the states. For anyone thinking of a move to China I highly suggest investing in a skype telephone number and purchasing a personal VPN service.

RANDOM OBSERVATIONS
Shanghai = safe, friendly city
Expo 2010 = city upgrades
Stares…slowly learning to ignore
Fork please!
Bottomless Baby Britches = uuggh
Spitting = GROSS
Locals wearing PJs in public = ?
Beeping Horns = courtesy warning of impending doom
Speaking English and understanding “the English” = LOL
Snowflake on bus = air conditioning
Two spinning barber poles outside salon = hair cut with “happy ending”
“Happy Ending” = well, guess!
Ayis, Driver, and Sherpas meal delivery = :)
Stinky Tofu = a food that lives up to its name x10!
Shanghai as an expat assignment = pretty darn great!

"Looky, looky..."

2009-10-08T21:31:00.000-07:00

Shopping at Dongtai Lu Antique Market

My husband was off for 8 days in commemoration of the 60th Anniversary of Chinese National Day. It was an ideal time to explore the city due to the mass exodus of city folk who traveled back to their home provinces. Traveling by taxi this week was much more advantageous than the metro (our usual mode of transport) - we zipped from one end of city to the next for a fraction of the time and cost of a 'regular' non-holiday. One of the most interesting places we visited was the Dongtai Lu Antique Market - the largest remaining "antiques" market in the city. We saw few, if any, valuable antiques. We saw mostly replicas covered in the city's grit in an attempt to disguise their newness. But we still highly recommend visiting this market for nothing more than photo ops and to savor the sights and sounds of the trinkets and trinket dealers. Phrases bantered about went..."Looky, looky, cheap price for you" and "Looky Lady (mister), cheap, cheap" and when we insisted on the cheap prices promised we got, "You KILL me" and "I no feed my children" and "I make no money"...and so forth.

Haggling is more fervent here than any other country I've shopped; we've literally been screamed at in the process of coming to amicable terms, but the Chinese just naturally bark at one another. There is a rhythm, a 10 minute getting-to-know-you period, involved in the first-time purchase from a new shop. Becoming a client is a pretty big deal here, and we've been rewarded nicely for our patronage. We are certain we're not getting 'local' prices, but we're getting much better prices and without a moment's haggle after our 3rd or 4th trip. The shop owners are especially appreciative when we introduce new patrons to their shop.

Just as one needs to go prepared to dine for an entire evening in a latin country, one needs to plan a healthy time frame around shopping in Shanghai. Shopping here is a time honored past time and is definitely different than western shopping practices. Much better bargains will be had here, but patience with Chinese convention is key. Disclaimer - the same rules and relationships do not necessarily apply to the fake markets (black market goods).

Get directions to market via google maps

Anyone?

2009-09-29T17:01:00.000-07:00

Dealing with a Home-Country Crisis

Less than two months into our new assignment in Shanghai, we received disturbing news that our youngest adult child, a young man only weeks from his 21^st birthday, was suffering with what appeared at the time acute depression.

I left Shanghai the end of May. I am writing this blog on my return flight to Shanghai, September 29. To put things bluntly, our family has been through hell this summer, and at four months into our new lives as we know it, we’re nowhere settling this most unsettling situation. To the point, fate has dealt our son a most regrettable mental disorder. There’s no cure, only managed health care. But the catch with all persons suffering with debilitating mental disorders; it is extremely difficult for them to reason past their perceived realities to understand they need help.

The details of my son’s illness are not mine to share. The point is, dealing with such derailing circumstances would be incredibly difficult for any family, but factor our expat lives into the equation and we’ve got a royal mess on our hands.

I’ve not blogged all summer because of the energies it has taken to deal with the myriad of issues we’ve faced; I’ve faced, actually. My husband has had his own issues with which to struggle – we’ve neither had it easy.

We’ve done for our son all we can at the moment. I am flying back to Shanghai with a heavy heart for my son, but for a happiness to see and be with the love of my life. But my time in Shanghai will be short. I am flying back in a month.

I welcome anyone’s advise who has dealt with a crisis at home while living as expats.

Doing Business in China

2009-06-29T13:48:00.000-07:00

Guanxi - Developing Relationships

My wife has asked me to write a couple of blog installments while she is back in the USA and I am still in Shanghai.

The last few weeks I’ve taken the opportunity to do some business travel to meet some suppliers to our operation here in Shanghai. My visits were to areas of China that I have never been so the sights and scenery were a little different than that of Shanghai. Some of the areas I visited looked very much like mountains of North Carolina where our US home is located, so I felt very much at home.

The thing I found most interesting about the trips was the time spent with our suppliers. Some of the interaction was at the manufacturing facilities during my tour and meetings, but the most important interaction was at lunch or dinner. In China, a very important part of doing business is developing a relationship with your customer, client, or supplier. In China this is called “guanxi”. Guanxi literally means "relationships” and is really any type of non-family relationship. In business it is the network of relationships among individuals or companies that cooperate together and support one another. In the USA we generally try to form a partnership between two companies as well that benefits both companies. In China, this partnership is much more complex and often looks almost illegal from a westerner’s point of view.

Guanxi can take on many forms. It is sometimes based on money that is generally given in a red envelope, but in business, most times it is just an understanding and a feeling of trust between two companies or individuals. You want to do business with someone that you can trust completely. Guanxi is widely involved in the Chinese business culture with government interactions. Many times government Party officials or managers in Customs or other offices are given gifts or “red–envelope” money as a way to help cultivate a working relationship. In many cultures, including maybe the USA, these payments or gifts may be seen as a way to skirt the law – a bribe. In China, it is not a bribe but is just a cost of getting things done efficiently. It is completely legal in Chinese culture and not regarded as bribery in any way. Trustworthiness of both the company and individual is an important part of guanxi. Following through on promises is also important. Developing this guanxi can take much time. It is really like building a long term friendship. The Chinese feel obligated to do business with their friends first.

A major way to build this relationship between two companies is through a somewhat formal lunch or dinner. Many times spouses or children are also involved.

The planning of meals and interaction during meals is a very interesting part of the Chinese culture and the building of guanxi between individuals or companies. I had heard and read much about proper etiquette during a Chinese business meal. Much of what I learned was exactly what I encountered during the business meals of my trip.

Next blog installment…the Chinese business lunch/dinner and what I had no choice but to eat.

Emergency Leave

2009-06-07T19:07:00.000-07:00

Being Flexible and Available to Family

I am writing from our home in the beautiful Carolina Blue Ridge Mountains. I arrived home a few days ago. I’ve not blogged due to arranging and preparing for the trip. One of our daughters was broadsided by another driver who failed to stop at a red light. Luckily she was unharmed, but our Volvo wagon wasn’t so lucky. The wreck, along with some other family issues, pushed my scheduled home leave up a month. I will be in the states for six weeks to take care of as many matters as possible. From what I have been told, I’ll be returning just in time to experience the sweltering Shanghai summer in all its muggy, mosquito-y splendor.

Coming home is bittersweet. My husband and I hate being apart, especially now that we’re on opposite sides of the world. But it does my soul good to hug and laugh with my growns. I’m home just in time to celebrate our firstborn’s 28th birthday. I’m also scheduled to see other family and many friends.

My husband and I meet online every morning and evening to connect and discuss our days. I make a point to handle stateside matters in as positive manner as possible, there’s no sense in worrying my husband with issues that he can do little about in China. He’s already dealing with a hefty amount of guilt for being so far removed from his loved ones. He, in turn, shows me the same courtesy by handling all Shanghai issues. We prefer to work as a team, side by side, but we do what we have to do when times like these emerge. ~ Just so you know, it took us several botched attempts and loads of blaming and whining our last expat assignment before we learned to handle issues effectively.

Ever the opportunist, my husband is taking advantage of my time away by traveling for business over the next few weeks. I have asked him to pen the next few blogs. Stay tuned to read his take on establishing business relationships or "guanxi" - select this link to learn more about this important part of Chinese business culture.

Bazaar

2009-05-15T03:00:00.000-07:00

Shanghai Community Center Spring Bazaar

Friday the Community Center Shanghai held their annual spring bazaar at the Pudong branch, and it was a flying success! The weather was divine, there was an excellent array of vendors and there were hundreds of expat and local supporters taking advantage of the unique offerings.

I certainly did my part to stimulate the local economy! I bought several gifts and also took a great interest in the Jinshan peasant paintings by artist Lu Yongzhong.

Before walking to the bazaar my husband and I had a conversation about our time here so far. We both agree that it hardly feels as though we're living in China. The area we're living feels very similar to a short visit we made to Rome (and other Italian cities) last year. Just like Rome, Shanghai is a true international city so we're living a vastly different lifestyle had we been relocated to any other city in China (except Beijing), just as the cities of Italy felt much more 'Italian' compared to Rome.

All continues to go well. It's uncanny how the 6 degrees of separation seem to prove out...yesterday I met two ladies from SC and both graduated from Clemson, my husband's alma mater. Met another fella who lived in Hickory for years, and yet another fella who has been in Shanghai for 12 years and owns a condo up hwy 25 near the Blue Ridge Parkway. My husband struck up a conversation with him upon seeing his NC Tarheels hat. Small world.

Mother's Day

2009-05-10T01:11:00.000-07:00

HOLIDAYS WITHOUT FAMILY

George Burns once said, “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” But I say holidays SUCK when they can’t be shared with loved ones. We have three terrific growns (pictured) and today I miss them more than ever. Traditionally for Mother’s Day the kids manage to find their way back to the nest. They cook, present me with silly cards and wonderful gifts, and they indulge me by playing Scrabble or other board games. I just realized I didn’t pack my Scrabble game…

At any rate, I'm making the best of the day by chillaxin'. As I blog my husband has ventured via taxi to the nearest KFC. Today I’m in the mood to dine on something familiar – it’s much more of an emotional need than a real craving for the greasy fried stuff. I’ve requested sauce-less spicy wings. My husband tried in vain to place an online delivery order, but we *think* the error message read we had an invalid address or we were beyond the home delivery area (the message was in Mandarin). YES, folks – KFC and McDonalds DELIVER in Shanghai for a mere $1US service charge (and no tipping). Home delivery service is a huge business here - anything you can imagine can and will be delivered to your door for a very nominal fee.

Back to the holiday and family topic. Before this weekend we were planning a trip home this fall, but having assessed the holiday situation and the kids’ schedules we will be waiting to make a family trip back to the states at Christmas. Expat life is a privileged adventure and something my husband and I enjoy very much, but absolutely nothing is more important than our family; children, parents, siblings and dear friends.

"Permanent" Apartment

2009-04-28T19:44:00.000-07:00

Settling into Shanghai

Over the weekend we made our move to the place we intend to call home for at least the next year, if not for our entire stay while in Shanghai. The apartment offers very nice western amenities including on-demand water heater, oven, washer/dryer, central heat/air, double-paned windows, and more. The complex is extremely convenient to all "Green City" amenities of JinQiao, but with the convenience comes traffic noise; barring that, the apartment is ideal.

This move was by far our easiest given we had a total of 14 boxes and luggage. At the moment the interior is quite institutional, but as our knowledge and explorations of the city evolve so should our nest. The trick will be marrying Asian aesthetics with our vast collection of Mexican wares.

A little bit about the cost of expat housing; in a word - expensive. But housing costs in Shanghai, just like anywhere else, boil down to location and amenities, and we have it all. Ranking in the top 25 most expensive places to live in the world, Shanghai's cost of living expenses are comparable to NYC. Having moved from western NC, we are forced to redefine some lifestyle choices in order to maintain our home-country budget. A large cost for us is keeping and maintaining our house in the states. We may revisit the decision to keep our house next year.

Upon possession of the new apartment we discovered we would be without Internet for 2 days, and it's only then that I felt the first twangs of anxiousness. The Internet is my lifeline to the 'real world'. If it were not for the technological advances that allow me to stay close to loved ones I don't know that I could be a happy expat. As it is I blog, email, IM, tweet, wall, SMS, skype and photobucket my way to loved ones daily. Add Internet technology to our wonderful new digs and life is pretty super in Shanghai!

Spring in Shanghai

2009-04-17T00:59:00.000-07:00

Green City of JinQiao - Beautiful!

Today I went for "Coffee Morning" at the Shanghai Community Center. It was the last coffee morning of the season, but it was my first, and it was an informal way to meet some new people and to learn of many more resources of the city. Two guest speakers talked about Jade and Chinese antiques. I will definitely be visiting the antiques dealer in the near future, I'll keep you posted.

After the meeting I spoke with the HR director of the center and I will begin work next Tuesday! I will be assisting the full-time web designer with web maintenance. I am looking forward to using my talents and to learning more about server-side issues in China.

The community center is located appx 3 miles from our temporary lodging, so I chose to walk home to take advantage of the glorious weather. Halfway home and in awe of the many beautiful gardens, I realized I had my camera so I took a few pictures. Select the image to see a larger slideshow and descriptions.

I don't know about you, but this area isn't AT ALL what I had envisioned any part of China to look like. Granted, we're in a very new area of Shanghai: Pudong, and especially the JinQiao area not long ago was swamp land filled with pig farms (or so we've been told) - still, with the cobbled walkways and old-world architecture the area evokes a European feel to me. What do you think?

Volunteering in Shanghai

2009-04-15T23:06:00.000-07:00

Why I love my husband!

Inserted is a copy of an email response I received from my husband today. I emailed him to say I filled out an online volunteer form for The Shanghai Community Center after I signed up for a painting class that will be starting in 10 days. Once the Community Center saw my IT skills I was called immediately and asked to come in to discuss a volunteer web maintenance position. I emailed my husband to ask if he minded if I volunteered a couple of afternoons a week. His email is very typical of all the emails I receive from him and it serves as an example why I am still madly in love with him after more than 30 years together...
All is going superbly in Shanghai (for the exception of fish head fondue - no thanks!). I'll keep you posted on the volunteer position and the painting classes.

Chinese Grits!

2009-04-12T06:10:00.000-07:00

Seems EVERYTHING is made (or can be found) in China!

Another reason we’re gonna love China – Chinese grits! We made our first trip to the Lotus, a large supermarket (akin to a Walmart superstore). The store is comprised of two large floors filled with everything imaginable and has an escalator to accommodate shopping carts. For many small reasons (and not just because we found grits), I will prefer to shop this store over the one located much more conveniently to our new apartment. I still can’t believe it - GRITS – a southerner’s quintessential comfort food! We were in the spices and dried fruits isle when my husband handed me the bag of golden milled corn. He mumbled half-jokingly, “Chinese grits…”, and once I took a good look at the bag, I assured him they were INDEED grits! I had to do a bit of convincing, but because they were less than $2, my husband consented to give them a try. They are a bit larger ground, and they are yellow (like the fancy stone ground type), but I cooked them this morning and they were GREAT!! Never, ever would we have imagined we’d ever run across them. However, because we’re venturing beyond the Laowai (foreigner) markets and shopping with the locals, we’re discovering there’s hardly anything that can’t be had here.

We packed so much food because we read post after post of folks whining about not finding this or that, and yes, if English brands are to be purchased, they may or may not be found and they will come at a premium cost. For instance, Skippy peanut butter can be had in the Chinese packaging just about anywhere and for a reasonable price. So, for those exploring a move here – just come on and don’t freak about provisions, almost everything can be found here in Shanghai and I’ll prove it to you by taking you to places that were shared with us.

We also packed baking pans, muffin pans, a wine opener, etc. which ends up being a waste of space and time. All the items can be had at the Restaurant supply market – a huge market for buying dishes, utensils, pots and pans, etc. We visited the market yesterday, I have chosen some fun “China” for our new apartment and the dishes are incredibly priced. The restaurant supply place is yet another treasure resource shared by my new friends. Next Saturday we’re returning to the restaurant supply with a list in hand, and some memorized Mandarin phrases ready to bargain. We’ve negotiated our way around Pudong for the past two weeks without speaking a word of Mandarin beyond “Ni Hao” (hello) and “Xiexie” (thank you). Pictured - restaurant supply market on corner of YangGao Lu (near Thumb Plaza) next to the Lotus supermarket.

My friends have also shared the address to a huge textile warehouse where I’m promised an overwhelming selection of fabrics and services. I am to take my bed measurements, and upon selection of my favorite fabrics our custom bed linens (or custom slipcovers, draperies, etc) will be made and delivered to us within the week. This beats the fake market HANDS DOWN!! If it weren’t for our friends, and if we were pansies and weren’t willing to venture out beyond our comfort levels, our selections would be truly limited. But by our newbie experiences in our whole 2+ weeks in Shanghai, seems everything can be found in China if you're willing to do some adventure shopping.

Shanghai - Week Two

2009-04-10T05:29:00.000-07:00

What a difference a week makes!

I would love to report of exotic tours and fun findings around the huge city of Shanghai, but alas, I’ve nothing more to report that we have eaten out a few times, walked more miles than I dare say I’ve walked in 6 months, I have negotiated the supermarket three times by myself, and we have found a place to live. This week was really an exercise in routine, about dealing with the basics; food, shelter and small comforts. And speaking of comforts, we had a glorious foot massage one evening, more about that later.

First a little about our new ‘hood: We chose an apartment in the Green City area of JinQiao. Green City is convenient to my husband’s work, and it is a very popular expat area, especially for those with families. It is indeed green and clean, and it is slower-paced than many other parts of the city. The apartment is small, but it is lacking in nothing as far as expat amenities go. We are very excited to be moving in at the end of this month. We will be living within a stone’s throw to the supermarket, multiple restaurants, fitness center, and other shopping. If you are reading this and are needing a reliable local realtor who speaks and UNDERSTANDS English and westerners, we highly recommend Shanghai Properties and especially James. Email me if you would like to know more.

Negotiating the supermarkets: I have so much to learn, but already I’ve learned so much. The biggest trick is wrapping my head around how/where the Chinese would reason a certain item to be located/categorized vs where westerners would place items. Store layouts are more similar than not, but I spent 30 minutes trying to track down Chinese flour one trip. While the Chinese don’t bake (it’s not in their culture to have ovens, rather they purchase their baked goods daily) they still make tons of steamed bread dumplings so I knew wheat flour should be readily available somewhere in the store. I was diligent until I finally stumbled upon some large bags (literally the flour sacks) of what looked like flour. The only clue I had to go on was a small wheat symbol on the bag. So, I purchased a huge-hunkin’ bag of Chinese flour for less than $2.00 vs the imported Gold Medal brand for $8.00 – and that’s the sort of victories I’ve taken great pride in this week. It’s hard being a grown, sufficient, middle-aged woman who is reduced to being a 12yo when negotiating everyday life. But, to be a successful expat I’ve got to buck up, swallow my pride, and just have at it. My new friends are an incredible resource as well.

To get around when not traveling by foot we research a location’s pinyin address and then ask the concierge to translate that address into Mandarin for taxi drivers. Pinyin is the standard Romanization of the Mandarin language, it is what allows we westerners to understand and speak Mandarin without knowing the Mandarin symbols. For instance xiexie (pronounced sheshe) is pinyin for 谢谢 which means thank you. Most taxi drivers wouldn’t have a clue what the pinyin means, so the information must be translated to the Mandarin symbols. I am envious and amazed by the many young people who know Mandarin, pinyin, and English.

So, with all the walking and other new experiences, taking advantage of a foot massage was definitely a treat this week. For only $68rmb each (which equals less than $10US) we had our feet, shoulders and calves massaged for over an hour one evening. It was heaven! BUT, the massages aren’t for pansies – they dig hard and deep. Try as hard as he might I had this one little fella having at my feet, but I never flinched – I definitely got thrown in my “briar patch”! I’ve set a weekly goal for myself, if I walk at least 15 miles a week I will treat myself to a foot massage.

So, all in all my husband and I had a ShangHIGH week! We’re off to the restaurant supply market in the morning to scope out pots, pans and dishes needed for our new place - at over four stories high, we’ve been told to be overwhelmed by the selections. Can’t wait!

ShangHighs and ShangLows

2009-04-02T16:26:00.000-07:00

New expat friend to the rescue.

There is a local, very popular expat forum frequented by the many thousands of expats living in Shanghai. The forum is just like all the others; filled with forum jockeys, trolls, cliques and a whole lot of forum smack that must be waded through to get at any sort of decent information, but the forum was the tool that saved me this week.

Through the forum I made a comment about my first trip to the local supermarket, I also asked for a resource to purchase a coffeemaker, and an angel of mercy replied to my post offering her welcome and help. That contact led to a wonderful phone call and then the phone call led to another contact. I can’t begin to express my gratitude for the two ladies reaching out, but both do so out of compassion and memories of how they felt upon first arriving to the city.

All that to say my new friend is showing me the wet market today (open market where the locals shop), AND taking me to a Costco-like store (where she assures me laowai items are much cheaper), AND helping me negotiate a local laundry, AND introducing me to the Community Center, a very large organization mostly patronized by expats. My first week here and already I’ve found someone who speaks English AND understands where I’m coming from - this is BIG!

“Dee” is originally from Canada, but has lived many places including the states. She and her family have been in Shanghai four years. I explained a bit of my previous day and she chuckled and told me, “You have experienced what is called a ShangLow day...we expats explain our days here in terms of ShangHighs and ShangLows, and you had a ShangLow day.” You’re darn tootin!

And another bit of revelation…seems my pronounced southern accent and colloquialisms are a bit difficult for some. I’ve been told by an Australian (who sports a heavy accent herself, thank you) that I am as difficult to understand as a Scott. For real? Another mid-western American told me the girls at the community center were going to have fun with me when they hear me talk; she onced lived in Atlanta so she had no problems working through the endless syllable pronunciations. So, maybe the assistant was having a legitimately difficult time understanding me? Who knows – the assistant idea is a bust. Dee also told me I was going to have to curb the southern manners and start taking up for myself or I would be eaten alive by the city. Snap - Heard dat!

At present we’re negotiating apartment options. Our Realtor, James, is GREAT – he is unassuming (which attests to his experience with westerners), listens and doesn’t pressure. Apartments are pricey but it’s all relative to location and amenities and our diligence – finding a suitable place is going to be the least of our issues. More to come on the real estate search another post. Thanks to everyone's encouragement and fun notes, it is WONDERFUL hearing from you all! Here's to new friends and tried and true friends!

Picture of Shanghai at sunset taken from hotel

Misinterpretations

2009-04-01T14:19:00.000-07:00

Observation: A Chinese smile, nod and “Aryh, yes…” really means “I don’t have a clue what you just said”.

I learned the hard way today the young lady in charge of assisting me with everyday dealings comprehends very little English and the driver comprehends even less which equaled to a very frustrating and pointless outing. Instead of being shown the fresh fruits and vegetable market I was taken to the fake market. Instead of assisting me at the supermarket, I was let out at a random intersection and had to walk several large city blocks to the supermarket alone…yeah, the misinterpretations were THAT bad. I was too livid to cry, instead I stomped and cursed my way to purchase the incredibly expensive provisions. I was cursing the situation not the assistant.

The situation is this; many people here speak English, but few English speaking Chinese comprehend English speaking people – why would/should they? This assistant took me to a market she thought a rich laowai would want to go. And the misinterpretations are these: We are far from rich and given the extremely high prices for imported groceries (Kellogg’s breakfast cereal $10US a box, small block of cheese $8, Gold Medal flour $8 a bag, etc) our effective income has just taken a nose dive (and thus my motivation for seeking out a locals market). And I’ll tell you now…of the top 10 things I want to do in Shanghai, going to the fake market doesn’t even make the list!

The assistant would probably be shocked to know because our extended-stay hotel has seen fit to rob us via laundry charges I am washing our undies which would otherwise cost $3 each. We had seven pieces of clothing laundered – not starched, not dry cleaned, not ironed even and the bill totaled $37.50 US (I dare say our designer Target pieces even cost that much)! I don’t know how to make the assistant understand I’m trying to find a place to buy a cheap tomato not a flippin’ Dolce Gabbana ripoff! When I was shown the curb today I asked, “Are you not going to help me at the Carrefour?” She replied, “aryh, yes – you walk to Carrefour I go back to work, yes?” I replied with a resolute “yes” knowing any further attempts to communicate were futile. Also, I realized in that instant she doesn’t consider babysitting me her work. I abhor having to be dependent on anyone to see me through the simplest of every day matters, but I must find someone more effective than she to help me a little while longer.

I’m going apartment hunting today with James, a Chinese Realtor, after our mandatory Chinese physicals (part of being a foreign resident) – wish me ruck…

In Shanghai!

2009-03-29T22:09:00.000-07:00

"As seen on TV" - ShangWOW!

We flew out of Asheville, NC Thursday morning and arrived safely in Shanghai on Friday afternoon quite haggard and disheveled – 16 hours non-stop in coach – ‘nough said. We spent the weekend living 'upside down' trying desperately to fall in sync with the rhythm of our new lives. My husband was especially thankful to have the long weekend to adjust. He left out this morning for his new job a bit anxious, but rested.

First impressions of the city: Cleanest airport I’ve ever graced, the ride from the airport to JinQiao in Pudong boasts superb infrastructure, and the city of Shanghai feels like the largest city I’ve ever visited. I am overwhelmed in many ways but mostly by the number of dwellings; in every direction there are multi-level apartment complexes as far as the smog permits visibility. And that is the other first impression, the air quality appears to be the poorest I’ve ever witnessed, even more so than a bad day in Mexico City.

View from the bedroom on sunny morning. Apartments as far as the eye can see.

I’m happy to report the VPN (virtual private network) is an absolute Godsend and anyone entertaining a move to China should seriously consider subscribing to a service. I am using Witopia. I’ll spare everyone a tech talk – but for those interested select the link to learn more. We are able to connect to paypal, our US bank, Face Book, Skype, Youtube, Yahoo and Blogger. These sites are either permanently blocked are randomly blocked by the Chinese firewall without the VPN.

I’ll report on our market visit next. The experience warrants its own entry. A trip to the supermarket restroom is where I first learned of the significantly different style public ‘potties’ in China – stay tuned…

6 Days and Counting...

2009-03-20T04:21:00.000-07:00

Packing Silly Necessities

So, I've finally begun to pack. We've read mostly through the forums at shanghaiexpat.com that just about anything is available in Shanghai, BUT many items are hard to come by and expensive because there is little demand for the items outside the expat community. We've read numerous posts recommending we bring all our western toiletries; toothpaste, deodorant, dental floss, OTC medications, etc. I'm also packing my 'big girl' panties, and all clothing since large women's fashions are not available. That goes for shoes and socks, too.

We have an ever growing pile of 'necessities' that will be packed and shipped next week. We've a veritable apothecary surely to meet our needs. We're also packing cooking items such as baking pans (since only expats have ovens, it stands to reason baking supplies would be limited and expensive), oven thermometer, measuring cups and spoons, etc and a couple of our Mexican 'garrafons' (hand painted ceramic water dispensers). We've also packed a new 'rabbit' cork remover - again, wine is a growing market there and wine openers are supposedly hard to come by.

But our 'necessary food items' are interesting (only to me, because I didn't realize they were important until we were faced with the possibility of not having them readily available)...case of microwave popcorn, chocolate of every sort; baking, ready to eat, cocoa, etc., peanut butter, oats, breakfast cereals, some Mexican dried spices, fresh roasted coffee, olive oil, queen olives+gin+vermouth (for my occasional martini), a bottle of scotch (for husband) and two industrial-sized bags of grits!

Silly necessities, eh? Unless you've lived away from all things familiar for any length of time, you can't fully appreciate how the simplest things can make the biggest impact on your daily living. Certainly the provisions offered in Shanghai will more than meet our physical needs, however, it's the simplest familiar things that serve as savored reminders of home and that's not silly at all.

14? Days and Counting...

2009-03-12T18:08:00.000-07:00

Roller Coaster Ride

So, if you're reading this and doing the math - um, yeah - our departure has been delayed, again. OK - technically, we have never had a confirmed departure, just tentative departure 'goals'. Our new goal is March 26th - we'll see. However, if we had the opportunity to fly out tomorrow, there's no way we could go - we're still very much unprepared in every way. But, beginning Monday I am going into relocation warp drive.

I've done my first series of pouting (see last post - or don't). I'll schedule a follow-up wallow when I'm in Shanghai with nothing to do - right now I've got to pack! Plus, I'm really getting excited about living in Shanghai. My husband has been ready way before he was hired for the position.

A little about us: Once upon a time my husband, then boyfriend, coaxed me to ride a roller coaster. He rode the coaster with great abandon; wide-eyed, wide smile, and arms extended to the heavens. When the ride was over he was exhilarated. On the exact ride seated beside him I rode with great apprehension; eyes closed, butt clinched in utter fear, white-knuckling the safety bar. When the ride was over I was exhausted! ~ Such is telling of our adventurous spirits.

Over our 35 years together we've ridden many life coasters, I've learned to loosen up (pun intended) mostly because my husband has learned to ride with his arms around me (yeah, life's all rainbows and roses - NOT). Nonetheless, I will forever be in awe of my husband's spirit of adventure, and I believe he is grateful to have found a willing partner who is up for just about anything despite her natural affinity for merry-go-rounds.

All this to say, I'm psyched and I'm buckled in for what is sure to be an exciting ride!

15 Days and Counting...

2009-03-04T05:29:00.000-08:00

Denial, Depression, Deluged

So, maybe I'm over exaggerating just a tad. On a scale of 1-10, with one being my most peaceful, I'd have to say I'm approaching a 7, and I'm coping completely chemically unassisted, thank you! My husband is faring similarly, only because he has the added pressure of his new job.

Deluged - With only 15 days left to departure we're far from prepared; the house is in disarray, we've not packed the first item, I'm STILL dealing with old business matters, we've yet to finalize medical, legal, financial affairs and the list goes on. The thing is, we've made headway in all matters, but at this point absolutely nothing is completed.

Depressed - Biggest concern du jour - I am woeful over giving up our beloved family pet! I don't expect anyone to understand this unless they have a dear four-legged family member. We have found him a new home where he will be safe and loved, but we're dealing with the guilt and loss of a most fun and loving spirit. I imagine a reader or two will roll their eyes (if indeed there is someone out in cyberspace reading this) - I'm well aware in the scheme of all the world depravities, finding a cat a new home is trivial, and yet the loss of relationship is very real to us today.

Denial - Or the refusal to deal with the fact that we're really moving to the other side of the planet. I can't bring myself to think we're leaving our growns (who are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves) and leaving family, friends and all things familiar. Dealing means feeling, but I'm gonna have to take the preferred southern approach on this one - as Scarlett O'hare so aptly put it, "I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow."

So, for me at least denial, depression and being deluged = wanting nothing more than to cocoon. I'm really having to fight the urge to roll up in a blanket and watch mindless reality shows to escape mine. I am overwhelmed, panicked, sad and excited - I'm a walking cocktail of emotions! But this is just another phase of the expat displacement. I'll get over this only to hit a 10+ at some point - fun times ahead...

20 Days and counting...

2009-02-27T20:00:00.000-08:00

Stressed to the Max

I don't have time to write today, so in an effort to express just how I'm feeling with less than three weeks before we leave, I offer this:

I'm looking forward to the 16 hour flight, if for nothing else but to sleep!!

24 Days and Counting...

2009-02-23T06:00:00.001-08:00

Family and Goodbyes (written while traveling yesterday)

We're traveling I-26W headed towards a sister's home after a lovely trip to my parents' home in Charleston, SC. This weekend we're visiting family to say our goodbyes.

My husband and I live 1-5 hours away from all immediate family members (excluding the growns). Living in the states full-time we manage to see most family 3-5 times a year, but we communicate several times weekly via mobile phone, email and/or facebook.

Our choice to live as expats at times is a touchy subject for the stay behind family. Contrary to our reasoning and lack of inhibitions, sometimes our parents, adult children, close siblings and best friends experience feelings of separation and a genuine fear for our safety of the unknown in an unknown environment. We're taking care to reassure our loved ones by making every effort to continue normal communications.

This weekend I opened my mom a free Skype account and installed all numbers to reach us. For less than $9.00 she bought a mic and she's now ready and armed to VOIP!

Even though we're a mouse click, speed dial, or facebook entry away from our loved ones, the fact is we're living on the other side of the planet. So, as busy as we are preparing to leave, visiting loved ones and saying our proper goodbyes is one of the most important "to-dos" on our list.

29 Days and Counting...

2009-02-18T06:00:00.000-08:00

Being flexible is a MUST!

Wait! Five days ago it was "30 days and counting" - what gives? Visas mostly, but the only thing certain about expat life is there are no certainties - and we've had to learn not to sweat the small stuff. The great news is, we have 5 extra days to prepare.

While we're on the subject of flexibility...I'd like to mention the typical expat two-year contract. When the subject of "how long will you be in China" is brought up, we feel compelled to explain that most expat assignments are generally two years. Ideally the company has long-term goals for the expat, but should all not go as expected the company will elect not to renew a contract and everyone goes on their merry way. Upon our explanation some folks are APPALLED that anyone would go to "all that trouble" with no more guarantee of two years worth of work.

And yet, where in America right now is ANYONE guaranteed two years employment?

Flexibility and abandoning any degree of false security are choices - so is faith.

30 Days and Counting...

2009-02-13T06:00:00.000-08:00

Technology Makes Expat Life Easier

Moving is a booger, plain and simple. We're now 30 days away from departure and the pressure is on to get all things settled once and for all. Simple, everyday details must be attended to, things like; mail forwarding, lawn maintenance, bills set up to pay online, paper delivery stopped, cell phone service stopped, Internet service stopped, deciding whether to continue with a land-line phone service, deciding on cable service, having someone watch our home, finding a new home for our beloved pet, setting up VOIP accounts, setting up VPN service, and then there's PACKING!

Technology has certainly made living globally much simpler. I mentioned VOIP which is "Voice Over Internet Protocol" - which allows us to talk with our loved ones on their computers for free (video calls as well). Or, we can call any phone in the world very inexpensively. We've been using SKYPE with very good success for years, but there are many others.

Other applications we're using for our move to China are:
CHINESE POD - An interactive, online Mandarin study.
HAVA - A REALLY cool streaming service that allows us to watch our local cable anywhere in the world via a PC or mobile phone. Now, the streaming will only be as good as our ISP in China - so I'll keep you posted...
WITOPIA - VPN = Virtual Private Network - important to reach US based websites we would otherwise be blocked from viewing/using because of China's Firewalls (remember China is still a communist country).
BBK USA - Electronic English Chinese Translator & Dictionary with Two way Sentence Translation (Voice: Chinese & English; Interface: English or Chinese)
Nintendo DS Chinese Coach - Long a big fan of Brainage Games, we purchased the Chinese Coach and we love it!

My husband and I are technology buffs which is a testament to our willingness to embrace new ideas and concepts; the very attributes needed to be successful expats. While you don't need to be a geek to be an expat, embracing electronic technologies sure can make expat living easier.

35 Days and Counting...

2009-02-08T06:00:00.000-08:00

Ni Hao and Welcome!

I bought a new computer today - not the MAC I was hoping for, but an HP that will meet my needs nicely. The new laptop is my first official preparation for the anticipated move.

My husband and I are feeling a bit overwhelmed at this point. I'm in the process of ending a small web design business, and my husband is busy training locally with a company that hired him to be the GM of a manufacturing facility. He's very pleased to be working with the new company and we're both excited about the move. But the excitement is tempered very much by the many lists of 'to-dos' that must be accomplished before we can feel comfortable boarding a plane for the other side of the world.

My husband and I are in our early 50's, we've three beautiful grown children who will be staying in the states. We're southerners through and through hailing originally from South Carolina, but we're fortunate to have called the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina our home for over 21 years. We are seasoned expats having lived four years in south central Mexico once upon a time. We are also not new to moving - this move will be our 17th relocation!

Because we are not selling our current home, the move to Shanghai should prove much less stressful than someone who must cart or unload all their worldly possessions. We will be packing our 'puters, clothes and grits and we'll be on our way. But there is still very much to be done. Stay tuned!