Bobbins and the Devil Duffle - December 2003
I guess you’ve already read how wonderful the holidays were for my humans? Well, I’ve got a completely different take on Christmas 2003. On top of not getting the first gift from those ungrateful large beings they awoke me from a perfectly good siesta and stuffed me in that god forsaken blue zippered contraction they call a ‘carrier’. The last time I saw that bag designed by Satan himself was in Brevard, NC: All I can remember is the hairy human stuffing a large white pill down my throat and the next thing I know I’m being let out to pee in another country!! The minute I laid eyes on that devil duffle I knew something bad was fixin’ to happen.
Sure enough, Christmas Eve I was stuffed in the devil duffle and taken to the car. The hairy human drove while his accomplice, the fluffy human, held me. And as if I weren’t nervous enough, the tope ride from hell began the minute we left our neighborhood. Topes (pronounced toe-pays) are large speed bumps and can be found all over Mexico, but I would bet a month of tummy rubs Puebla has more topes than any city in Mexico. I let my humans know in no uncertain terms I was NOT happy about my current situation and the louder I protested the more the fluffy human went on and on with that annoying syrupy gibberish she speaks only to me.
The van finally came to a stop at a pleasant enough looking building. There was a picture of me and a picture of those insipid lower forms of life otherwise known as dogs painted on the outside of the building. I held my breath as the fluffy one carried me inside. A small human with honey colored skin and large dark eyes, excitedly approached me shrieking “¡gatito! ¡gatito!, mira momá, ¡el gatito!”
I was freaked! It was at that exact moment I realized my holiday fate. While my humans were planning to amuse themselves on the beautiful Mexican coast my next 10 days were to be spent in cat incarceration!! How DARE they??? After everything I’ve done for them?? And they were leaving me with Mexican cats and dogs to boot – THEY KNOW FULL WELL I DON’T SPEAK SPANISH!!!
Because you’re reading this it’s no big mystery that I survived my experience. The Mexican humans were very accommodating and even though I understood very little they said to me, the head massages and tummy rubs needed no translation. There was one other cat in lockup – he called himself Cornish Rex – a real ugly sort originally from England, but he was a lifesaver because he was bilingual. During one of our conversations he shared that his devil duffle is a hard, gray, plastic box with bars he calls the Lucifer Lockup. He suffered almost the identical fate as me over three years ago; Rex’s humans drugged him and the next thing he remembers is a waking up in a hotel room in Mexico City!! We both agreed we should have been more careful in choosing our humans, but who would have ever thought my humans from a little mountain town in North Carolina would end up in Southern Mexico!?
Meeting Rex was fun and being in lockup beat staying in the cold casa all by myself for 10 days. The truth is, I had a pretty great holiday, too, but I have no intentions of letting my humans know that! I especially know how to work the fluffy one – I’m enjoying continuous tummy rubs since arriving back to the casa!
A Day in the Life of an Expat Cat - January 2004
I’m an only cat and wouldn’t have it any other way. Fluffy thinks I might be lonely at times, and quite frankly, I miss her when she goes to the states for weeks on end, but for the most part I’m content to stay by myself. My daily routine goes something like this:
· Wake, stretch, and rise with Fluffy around 6:30 (Hairy normally gets up earlier than Fluffy, but my bed is beside Fluffy’s side of the bed, so I generally wait for her to awaken).
· Eat breakfast and check emails in the study with Fluffy from 6:30-8:30 (except on Fluffy’s walking days).
· Nap in morning sun in gym (‘cause heaven knows it’s quiet and never used!!) while listening to classical music. Fluffy is a supporting member of WCPE.com in Raleigh, NC and listens to live streaming feeds on the internet.
· Rise to watch Fluffy vacuum, dust, or mop. Quickly lose interest and head towards mid-morning sunny nap spot; the veranda doors in the master bedroom.
· Awaken in time for lunch. Fluffy is back on the computer taking DHTML and PSP courses and is always too busy to pet me when writing page code or designing page elements. Rather than sit at the computer with her, I jump to the top of the bookcase for my first afternoon siesta. The combination of a full tummy, the clicking of the keyboard, and the music are soothing and I fall fast asleep. I’m occasionally awakened by Fluffy’s exasperation over things like vectors, rasters, code tagging, and search engine algorithms.
· Time to stretch and search for Fluffy. By this time of day if she’s not painting or sewing, she usually can be found in the shower or watching Judge Judy (she’d die if she knew I was telling this!). Watching TV with Fluffy is one of my favorite things; for she always lets me lay on top of her while she rubs my head and tummy.
· Late afternoons are reserved for baths. Every respectable cat practices impeccable hygiene but having long hair can be a bit problematic at times: and please forgive my candidness, but approximately once a week, and without warning, I’ve an urgent need to hock a whopper of a fur ball!! Most of the time nature calls while I’m on a tiled floor (making the cleanup relatively simple for Fluffy), but lately I’ve been compelled to let loose in the master bedroom which happens to be carpeted in a lovely shade of white! Last week, when I started my unmistakable cat heaving and convulsions Fluffy moved quicker than I have ever seen her: In one swift move Fluffy lunged and scooped me in her arms and threw me up into air and out the bedroom door to the tiled floor in the hallway. I’m not sure what hit the floor first, me or the fur ball and vomit…all I know is I ended up in the disgusting stuff and proceeded to run back across the carpet in the bedroom for which I purposely left my vomit paw prints. When will Fluffy learn she’s NOT in charge?!
· Around dusk Fluffy and I get ready for Hairy’s return home from a long day of work. Fluffy turns on the porch light and starts dinner and I watch her prepare food from the inside of a split oak basket on the bottom shelf of the kitchen island. Hairy is always grateful for a home cooked meal and to come home to relax. I sit on the floor between my humans while they eat dinner and sometimes Fluffy and Hairy offer me their leftovers (like I’m some sort of DOG or uncivilized animal)!
· The evenings are my alone time – I like to find a quiet spot and nap before bedtime. Fluffy stays up entirely too late but a sure bet is Hairy falling asleep before the end of any Law and Order or CSI.
· Around 3:00am I awake feeling the need for a little snack, so I mosey on down to the kitchen and help myself to some dry food and a drink of water. Occasionally on my way back up to bed I spot a peeping tom cat peering in our breakfast room doors and it scares the begeebies out of me!! So, naturally I scream bloody murder, which in turn scares the peeping tom cat, which in turn awakens and unnerves everyone in the casa including visitors spending the night!
So – there you have it – A day in the life of an expat cat. After reading this or you as sleepy as me? Time for a catnap.