It’s been months since my last post even though I’ve sat down numerous times to try to write. I’ve got fodder galore…but ego dictates the narrative, and I’ve been hard pressed to share the under belly of our real lives.
I’m also wrestling with the mission of this blog. The restorations are far from completion (the reason I’ve delayed “after” photos), but lets face it, this blog is every bit as much about the restoration of our lives as it is the property. And I question the relevancy, namely the sharing, of it all.
Life loading…oh how I wish I had privy to the big picture! A week before our move out of the cabin and into the cottage (7 weeks ago) our 3yo granddaughter was placed in our care by Child Protective Services. We’ve been dealing with DSS (Department of Social Services), lawyer$ and subsequent DIY court filings, potty training, and just generally being exhausted.
We’re still up to our eyeballs in building projects, and we hope to share again, but at present there’s little left of us to share and I have few words or coherent thoughts to journal. Some days are fabulously easy, others are negotiated by the moments.
Approximately 8 years ago I went to a therapist after a particularly grueling few months with my son’s early symptoms. After listening and empathizing she proposed that we humans live infinite lives and each time we come back to the earth plain we do so having specifically chosen our lives and the challenges and joys we will face in order to make ourselves more enlightened, more whole, more holy. As she spoke I thought that was the most interesting concept I had ever heard – and clearly her analogy stayed with me, but I also made up my mind in that moment to never go to another therapy session. It wasn’t until this year that I fully realized why the experience was off-putting and how her words had come to fruition…
…Eight years ago my less-enlightened self dutifully listened to a doctor tell me the hell I was living was all my doings via my deliberate choices. Having lived through 8 more years of “my choices” and grown from them, my more-whole self would calmly respond now with, “What an interesting steaming pile of horse shit.”
Life loading…. loads of joy, loads of pain, loads of horse shit.
PLEASE continue to post. It’s one way we can know what is happening! You will always cope…that’s you. Take care.
Hey Gillian! I hope all is well for you and Aidan across the pond. Thanks for checking in and for your encouragement.
Donna: I do hope you continue. I’m not sure you really know the difference you make with your honest sharing of life – good and bad. I have shared your story with friends who are experiencing mental health crisis in their families – some are similar, some are different. Even for myself with life challenges I am always encouraged by your writings, your passion and your commitment.
Thank you so much Rebecca (I have to force myself to call you this instead of Becky – Ha). I am humbled that someone finds me encouraging. I mostly write so I don’t implode 🙂 , but I feel better knowing someone can relate. Thank you for your kind words.
Comments are closed.